Jake Delhomme Awards: Week 1

Quarterback

Matt Moore

"Wow. Even I thought that sucked."

If imitation truly is the sincerest form of flattery, Jake Delhomme is probably still blushing after Matt Moore's stinker on Sunday. Moore threw for under 200 yards, got picked three times, fumbled twice, and was sacked four times, good for 54.25 Bizarro Points to lead all Week 1 scorers.

Running Back 
Ray Rice 

"Seriously, you're making these two
yards awfully hard for both us."

Ray Rice ran the ball 21 times Monday night and didn't get a rushing first down.

I'll understand if you need a few minutes to let that soak in, because it probably makes you question everything you ever thought you knew about football.

21 rushes, 43 yards. Zero rushing first downs. 32.5 Bizarro Points. Oh, and he also got into a little hissy fit with some of the Jets' players. Quite an opening week.

Wide Receiver

DeSean Jackson

The Eagles threw the ball DeSean Jackson's way eleven times, and seven times it found the ground. When he did actually catch balls intended for him, they were for minimal gains (4 catches, 30 yards). Oh, and he fumbled. With 27.5 Bizarro Points, DeSean was DeWorst wide receiver in our league last week.

Tight End

Greg Olsen

Whatcha name?

G-reg.

Whadd'ya do?

Suck at football.

How'd ya do it?

Only two first downs and a fumble.

.... 

In her eyes.

(23 Bizarro Points)

Kicker

Ryan Longwell

  Longwell scored 20 Bizarro Points the easy way: a missed extra point.

Defense

Cincinnati Bengals

"Pardon me."

The Bengals felt the wrath of the Patriots and Justin Bieber Tom Brady, giving up 38 points and 376 yards while forcing no turnovers, good for 22 Bizarro Points.