Week 12 Unofficial Results

Playoff spots can be clinched this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Team Poopypants Haas
QB: Nobody! Interesting strategy. Let's see if it pays off for him.
Lendale White: 0
Cadillac Williams: 17
Davone Bess: 16
Earl Bennett: 20
Darrius Heyward-Bey: 3
Matt Prater: 0
Falcons D: 7
Total: 63
vs.
Sarah Palin's Tits
Dennis Dixon: 10
Kevin Smith: 13
Larry Johnson: 3
Donnie Avery: 3
Jabar Gaffney: 13
Mohammed Massoquoi: 18
Connor Barth: 2
Bucs D: 8
Total: 70

Cedric Benson All-Stars
Mark Sanchize: 21
Earnest Graham: 0
Mewelde Moore: 0
Brian Hartline: 3
Jason Avant: 4
Marcedes Lewis: 14
John Carney: TBD
Dolphins D: 14
Total: 56
vs.
Automatic Win Swollen Bean Bags
Brett Favre: -14
Ricky Williams: 3 (He threw an interception)
Rashard Mendenhall: 5
Devin Hester: 24
Rashied Davis: 0
Bobby Engram: 0
Shaun Suisham: 0
Chiefs D: 20
Total: 38

Pride of the Weinkes
Matthew Stafford: 40
Marshawn Lynch: 0
Danny Ware: 10
Andre Caldwell: 16
David Anderson: 21
Randy McMichael: 16
Neil Rackers: 0
Raiders D: 12
Total: 115
vs.
The Sex Boats
Chris Simms: 0
Michael Bush: 0
Derrick Ward: 29
Deion Branch: 20
Sammie Stroughter: 20
Daniel Graham: 14
Lawrence Tynes: 0
Browns D: 8
Total: 91

Kobe Vujacic
Bruce Gradkowski: 18
Jamal Lewis: 27
Willie Parker: 0
Michael Clayton: 0
Greg Camarillo: 0
Bobby Wade: 20
Mason Crosby: 4
Defense: None!
Total: 69
vs.
Magnum P.I.
Brady Quinn: 11
Jamal Charles: -4
Brandon Jackson: 33
Mike Furrey: 21
Muhsin Muhammad: 21
Josh Morgan: 13
Ryan Longwell: 0
Lions D: 13
Total: 108

Week 11 Final Scores

Cedric Benson All Stars: 54
Sarah Palin's Tits: 38

Team Poopypants Haas: 109
Pride of the Weinkes: 104

Swollen Bean Bags: 2
Kobe Vujacic: 118

The Sex Boats: 92
Magnum P.I.: 62

Current Standings:

Week 11 Unofficial Results

Well, our main stats guru Mike is currently in Hawaii, or as he refers to it, "leaving the country." Because Mike computes our bizarro scores on a computer in his mother's basement, a computer that is so futuristic and sophisticated that it actually takes up his entire mother's basement, we unfortunately will not have official spreadsheets for Week 11.

This week I'm going to do my best to make sure my hand calculations are accurate, as they are what we will go by for this week's scoring. I'm only doing our matchups, we won't have full Week 11 scores from across the NFL unless Mike feels generous and computes the full Week 11 stats at a later date.

My team hand calculations are usually correct, or only a handful of points off the official ones. If we have some close matchups this week, I'll make sure to look extra close.

On to the results!

Sarah Palin's Tits
Alex Smith: 6
Kevin Smith: -10
Larry Johnson: 0
Donnie Avery: 11
Jabar Gaffney: 12
Mohammad Massoquoi: 0
Connor Barth: 0
Bucs D: 19
Total: 38
vs.
Cedric Benson All-Stars
Jason Campbell: 13
Mewelde Moore: 0
Justin Forsett: 11
Brian Hartline: 14
Jason Avant: 5
Marcedes Lewis: 4
John Carney: 0
Dolphins D: 7
Total: 54

Team Poopypants Haas
Marq Bulger: 37
Lendale White: TBD
Cadillac Williams: 27
Davone Bess: 9
Earl Bennett: 10
Darrius Heyward Bey: 21
Matt Prater: 0
Falcons D: 15
Total: 119
vs.
Pride of the Weinkes
Matthew Stafford: 4
Marshawn Lynch: 53
Chester Taylor: 7
Legedu Naanee: 5
David Anderson: TBD
Randy McMichael: 18
Neil Rackers: 0
Rams D: 7
Total: 94

Swollen Bean Bags
Brett Favre: -9
Ricky Williams: -10
Rashard Mendenhall: -7
Devin Hester: 20
Rashied Davis: 0
Bobby Engram: 0
Shaun Suisham: 2
Chiefs D: 6
Total: 2
vs.


Hang on a sec. You know what? Colin, it's time to update your damn roster. Your QB and RBs would make for an excellent real fantasy team, and you have two wide receivers who haven't caught a single pass since week 4. Just do it.

Anyways.

vs.
Kobe Vujacic
Bruce Gradkowski: 16
Jamal Lewis: 14
Fred Jackson: 20
Michael Clayton: 1
Greg Camarillo: 21
Bobby Wade: 28
Mason Crosby: 0
Seahawks D: 18
Total: 118

Seriously Colin. 118-2. You know what? I'm not even sure you read these. So here's what I'm gunna do. If you send me an e-mail acknowleding you saw this post, and then you make ONE roster move, I will mail you a crisp $5 bill. I'm 100% serious. Mike, Kevin, don't tell him about this. I'm genuinely curious.

The Sex Boats
Chris Simms: 12
Tim Hightower: -4
Derrick Ward: 26
Deion Branch: 16
Sammie Stroughter: 0
Daniel Graham: 19
Lawrence Tynes: 8
Browns D: 15
Total: 92
vs.
Magnum P.I.
Brady Quinn: -15
Maurice Morris: 0
Jamaal Charles: 1
Mike Furrey: 21
Dennis Northcutt: 20
Josh Morgan: 21
Joe Nedney: 0
Jets D: 14
Total: 62

Week 10 Standings

Week 10 Recap

Week 10 Positional Results (HTML)

Season Totals (HTML)

Week 9 Standings

Week 9 Recap

Week 9 Positional Results (HTML)

Season Totals (HTML)

Week 9 Unofficial Results

Sarah Palin's Tits
Vince Young: 6
Kevin Smith: 12
Jonathan Stewart: 37
Torry Holt: 28
Jabar Gaffney: TBD
Santana Moss: 13
Connor Barth (??????): 4
Bucs D: 0
Larry Johnson Suspension Bonus: 10
Total: 110
vs.
Kobe Vujacic
Chad Henne: 10
Willie Parker: TBD
Willis McGahee: 0
Michael Clayton: 14
Greg Camarillo: 12
Isaac Bruce: 21
Mason Crosby: 0
Panthers D: 11
Total: 68

Pride of the Weinkes
Matthew Stafford: 51
Beanie Wells: 12
Ahmad Bradshaw: 21
Legedu Naanee: 20
David Anderson: 20
Andre Caldwell: 5
Neil Rackers: 0
Cowboys D: 4
Total: 133
vs.
Magnum P.I.
Kyle Orton: TBD
Knoshown Moreno: TBD
Maurice Morris: 26
Dennis Northcutt: 0
Kenny Britt: 0
Josh Morgan: 21
Jeff Reed: TBD
Lions D: 12
Total: 59

Cedric Benson All Stars
Jason Campbell: 20
Mewelde Moore: TBD
Justin Forsett: 20
Brian Hartline: 16
Jason Avant: 12
Marcedes Lewis: 19
John Carney: 0
Dolphins D: 12
Total: 99
vs.
The Sex Boats
Matt Cassell: 10
Tim Hightower: 11
Derrick Ward: 10
Brian Finneran: 21
Sammie Strougher: 5
Daniel Graham: TBD
Lawrence Tynes: 0
Redskins D: 14
Total: 71


Team Poopypants
David Garrard: 0
Julius Jones: -7
Lendale White: 0
Davone Bess: 12
Earl Bennett: 4
Eddie Royal: TBD
Matt Prater: TBD
Falcons D: -1
Total: 8
vs.
Swollen Bean Bags
Brett Favre: 0
Ricky Williams: 16
Rashard Mendenhall: TBD
Devin Hester: 4
Rashied Davis: 0
Bobby Engram: 0
Shaun Suisham: 0
Chiefs D: 10
Total: 30

We may need to have a vote, I don't know if I feel comfortable giving either team a win here.

Week 8 Standings

Week 8 Recap

Week 8 Positional Results (HTML)

Season Totals (HTML)

Unofficial Scores, Week 8

Going into Monday Night:

PRIDE OF THE WEINKES
Derek Anderson: 33
Marshawn Lynch: 24
Chester Taylor: 29
Legedu Naanee: 21
David Anderson: 12
Randy McMichael: 18
Neil Rackers: 0
49ers D: 9
Total: 146
vs.
SWOLLEN BEAN BAGS
Brett Favre: -13
Ricky Williams: 16
Rashard Mendenhall: 0
Devin Hester: 7
Rashied Davis: 0
Bobby Engram: 0
Shaun Suisham: 0
Chiefs D: 0
Total: 10

KOBE VUJACIC
Jamarcus Russell: 36
Jamal Lewis: 20
Edge James: 29
Terrell Owens: 5
Greg Camarillo: 18
Isaac Bruce: 14
Mason Crosby: 2
Panthers D: -8
Total: 116
vs.
THE SEX BOATS
Joe Flacco: 7
Tim Hightower: -4
Michael W. Bush: 24
Brian Finneran: TBD
Deion Branch: 3
Daniel Graham: 17
Lawrence Tynes: 4
Browns D: 13
Total: 64

MAGNUM P.I.
Alex Smith: 19
Jerome Harrison: 0
Knowshown Moreno: 37
Mike Furrey: 21
Keenan Burton: 10
Marty Booker: TBD (He's still in the league? Seriously?)
2ND MOST FAMOUS DRAKE UNIVERSITY ALUMNI ATHLETE BILLY CUNDIFF: 0
Lions D: 7
Total: 94
vs.
SARAH PALIN'S TITS 
Vince Young: 5
Kevin Smith: 6
Jonathan Stewart: -10
Donnie Avery: 18
Torry Holt: 20
Mohammed Massoquoi: 25
Shane Andrus: 0
Rams D: 3
Total: 67

TEAM POOPYPANTS
Marq Bulger: 17
Julius Jones: 11
Lendale White: 25
Davone Bess: 28
Earl Bennet: 17
Darrius Heyward-Bey: 21
Matt Prater: 0
Falcons D: TBD
Total: 119
vs.
CEDRIC BENSON ALL-STARS
The Sanchize: 8
Justin Fargas: 9
Justin Forsett: 8
Brian Hartline: 0
Jason Avant: 14
Marcedes Lewis: 14
Sebastian Janikowski:0
Raiders D: 8
Total: 61